I just drank milk out of a wine glass.
A big wine glass with my name on it that was given to me at my “Bachelorette” celebration.
You see it started with a mini cannoli. I ate said mini cannoli (AFTER my workout of course) and needed a quick drink. What quenches mini cannoli thirst better than milk? The closest available glass was my fancy personalized wine glass sitting on the drying mat. And lets be honest, I planned on having a glass of wine afterward anyway. So I poured a swig of milk in the glass and down the hatch it went.
As I drank my thirst quenching milk in my favorite wine glass, I had a thought…
Maybe this is what life is now.
Maybe it’s about drinking milk out of wine glasses.
You see, I’ve been struggling lately. I know many moms feel a loss of identity when they become a mom. I really encountered that upon becoming a step-mom. Pouring your life into someone else’s children, and trying to do it fully and whole-heartedly, is exhausting. And frankly, it can be very disappointing and painful and unfulfilling. I’m not saying that because I dislike being a stepmom or had a particularly bad experience or have ungrateful stepchildren, but ask any stepmom and they’ll tell you- it’s a thankless job. Parenting in general can be thankless, but your own children have a love and appreciation and acceptance of you because they’re yours. Step relationships are much different. In the beginning, there’s a honeymoon where everyone is fun and gets along and it all seems so easy. But when the dust settles and reality sets in, and the kids realize that you’re here to stay, things get more complicated. There are loyalty issues and grief and confusing emotions and not wanting to betray the other parent and often the step-parent takes the brunt of these negative and difficult emotions. The step-parent is an easy target for kids going through change. And when you’ve come in gung ho and made sacrifices and planned events and really given what you thought was your all, it can be very disheartening. When I married my amazing husband, I sold my house that I loved, I moved into a new town, away from family & friends, and had to completely adapt my way of life to fit a family that was created long before me. There’s a lot of loss that comes with that. And then only a year into marriage, we had a baby. A perfect, beautiful, amazing little baby. But in all of this, I have become completely unrecognizable…
And amidst Corona-crazy, which has provoked much uncertainty and anxiety in most everyone I know, times of unstable employment, where fun events and things to look forward to are canceled, it’s naturally a fairly depressing and confusing time anyway. When everything is closed, there’s plenty of time for self-reflection. And sometimes we don’t love what we see. I, like many other moms, miss the person I once was. But I’m realizing that while I cannot go back to that person, there’s room to create someone new. Who that is, I’m trying to figure out.
But I’m pretty sure she drinks milk out of wine glasses.
And that gives me hope.